Mustard

The perfect mustard yellow sweater was so always elusive until now. My hunt began years ago when Brandon and I were thrifting and I fell in love with a COS sweater that was a bit too small and a bit too out of my budget. I vowed that day to inject a bit of color to my closet with the perfect mustard yellow sweater. After years of disappointed try-ons, I finally found the perfect one and couldn't be happier with it. Now whenever I'm feeling in the mood for some color, I'll always know where to look.

Journal: The Art of Comparison

“Compare yourself to those who are better than you, not to those who are not as good as you.” That’s a mantra that my parents instilled in me and my brother from a young age to motivate us to work harder and to never be completely satisfied with our accomplishments for too long. They would remind us of this every time we would share a triumph with them. This attitude did some damage to my feelings of self-worth because it always felt like I was never good enough. It always seemed like there was always someone else who was prettier, smarter, and more accomplished than I was. However, as detrimental to my feelings of self-worth as this attitude was, it was also pretty effective. This attitude of constantly wanting to move forward and be better has become the backbone of my work ethic. I have since developed a horrible habit of constantly comparing myself to others. Other people and their lifestyles have become my thermometer to gauge my own success in my career, my relationships, and my lifestyle. While this comparison mindset may have made me more ambitious, it was also an easy road in becoming an envious person. More often than not I am discontent with my life and my accomplishments because as my parents would always say: someone is always better than me.

Journal: A Love Like This

With our second anniversary under our belts, I can't help but reflect with pride and joy on how much we've grown together as a couple and separately as individuals. Two memories from each year together stood out in particular when putting this post together. Let's take a walk down memory lane shall we?

Journal: No Bad Vibes

The best kinds of conversations are those that never really end--the ones that still keep you thinking about what was said, the ones that you pick up and put back down for days and weeks to come. Creativity (the idea of having it, or the state of being in it) is a reoccurring theme that pops up into our conversations frequently. Some of you may even remember a previous blog post in which I talked about creativity--and how we thought we had run out of it or had lost it. As if it were some superpower, we hoped that creativity would magically come back into our hands as we continued to wield our cameras. It struck me recently though that maybe our creative powers were never really lost. Maybe in actuality, all that had really changed was our perspective on the world.

Hard to Explain

I'll be the first to admit--I'm a hopeless romantic and am a sucker for Valentine's Day. Gimme all the RomComs, all the flowers, all the sparkles, all the candlelight dinners, and all the moonlight walks on the beach! With all the Valentine's Day vibes out in the world, the idea of romance wandered into my natural thoughts this month. That combined with my recent wanderlust made me obsessed with the idea of wanting a romantic getaway, but Valentine's Day crept up on us this year. We racked our brains to pull together something last minute, but alas even those plans had to be put on hold when I got sick over the long weekend. I was bummed that we couldn't cheers to our love over mojitos and oysters, or window shop on Melrose Avenue, or peruse the Farmers Market in Larchmont, but in the midst of the fever and the food poisoning, I realized that Brandon was showing me the grandest gesture of all: He took care of me. And that's the best kind of Valentine a girl could ask for.

Journal: Intentionality

Maybe it's out of habit or just in my personality to over-apologize, but when I first sat down to write this post, I had every intention of starting this post by apologizing for our absence for the past ten weeks. Maybe it's because I'd like to think that people actually care about this blog and about what I have to say, but the truth is no one but me and Brandon really care whether this blog is active or not. And since I'm already being honest, the truth is that I'm not sorry for having taken this time off. The way events unfolded at the end of last year forced me to really reflect on and confront the consequences of my actions that I put into motion years ago. I needed that time off to step back so that I could move forward.

For those of who have been on this journey with me since my last blog, Transient Withdrawal, you will remember that after a five-year relationship had ended, at 22, I was desperate to reclaim my independence and discover who I was. I was bitter and panicked that I had let a relationship make me miss out on many critical milestones in my early twenties, and so I felt compelled to do a crash-course to catch up with my peers. I was finally able to do college the right way during graduate school where I found friendships outside of my hometown circle. I was finally able to have those awkward dates and quick flings--both of which quickly turned into funny stories I could finally share with my girlfriends. And last year, I was finally able to move out into my own space. I was so adamant to get a quick and easy claim to independence that I felt so strongly that all of these experiences and milestones would bring me up to speed with my peers. Looking back now, at 26, I was naive and impatient to think becoming independent would be so quick and easy. It has been neither. Just like with a plant, you can't rush growth, especially when it comes to personal growth.